I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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