I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't deserve a penis
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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