respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
