dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we should paint friendship bongs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
