people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
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Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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