I wish I only lived at night.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
