I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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