So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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