He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
