i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
