even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
