My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
