hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize