I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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