ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
