walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
