Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
