I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
