it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
