dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
