I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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