why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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