My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
