Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
