you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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