Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
