we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Damn victory sex feels great
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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