You're so nebulous sometimes
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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