Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
