We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
