super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Randomize
