She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
