She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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