I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
