every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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