The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
