Im at strip club and am horny
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Randomize
