Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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