you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
