At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
