just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize