Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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