doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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