I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
