My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So much rum. So many feels.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
