Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
