I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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