I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
