i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
