Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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