he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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