if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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