The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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