i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dear god my vagina.
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