Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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