I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
