apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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