Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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