i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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