It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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