I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
