Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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