so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just fell off a train. Bad.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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