only you would photoshop your dick
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
