alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
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Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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