I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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