Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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