Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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