My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
