if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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