hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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