He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
