rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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