There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
