i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Fuck appropriateness.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he fucked my hip out of place.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
